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Quick note before we start.
If there is a piece published here on Life Without Children that you would like to see discussed, drop me a comment and link to it, and I will do my best to centre a Substack LIVE around it.
I’ve been wanting to get Alice Cutler on the Substack LIVE for a while now. Alice is an actor, stand-up, and writer from Idyllwild, California. We’ve known each other for several years now, through being part of the same feminist writing group.
Alice’s writing on childlessness, pregnancy loss, IVF and TFMR (termination for medical reasons) has frequently given me goosebumps, brought me to tears and… had me giggling.
Giggling?
Yes. Giggling!
Alice has a knack for highlighting the absurdity and surrealism of all she has endured on her childless journey. And as a stand-up comedian, she has found making jokes about her greatest pain to be cathartic to her healing.
During this Substack LIVE writer spotlight, we discussed the piece linked below, which explores the way Alice uses her childlessness in her stand-up comedy and has even created a whole show called Inconceivable about her journey.
Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Isn’t a Joke, But I Made It One
Alice and I (Ali Hall) will be discussing this story in greater depth on the Life Without Children writer spotlight Substack LIVE on 14th August. It’s at 6pm UK time, 10am PST, 1pm EDT and 7pm CET. Join us?
I can’t comprehend the bravery it takes to stand up in front of an audience and expose your greatest pain. But Alice is on a mission to address the taboo of talking about TFMR while also bringing conversations on childlessness and unsuccessful IVF out of the shadows.
I asked Alice if she experiences a sort of secondary trauma each time she talks about her childless experiences on stage. She said she doesn’t, although she expected to. Instead, she finds it therapeutic. She was quick to clarify that she isn’t using her audience members as therapists - she has a therapist - but there’s something freeing, liberating and releasing about intersecting her childlessness with her comedy.
I was struck by the grace Alice offers her audience; she doesn’t let them sit in their discomfort for too long and uses humour to break any tension.
We touched on the ridiculous tips people offer, meaning well, but being way off when they learn someone is trying to get pregnant. And all the toxic positivity comments. Perhaps, given the audience sits still, without trying to change or fix Alice, that is why it’s so healing. They sit with her experience. They hold space for her. They simply listen.
Alice talks about the way she didn’t expect quite as many tears and laughter at her show, and how the two are so closely linked. Because even if someone has not endured the same lived experiences as her, if they are a decent, empathetic person, they will be able to draw memories of a time they’ve felt similar experiences and this connection through empathy is a connection of humanity.
It sounds like there’s something almost transcendent in sharing laughter and tears about the tragedy of childlessness.
Ultimately, Alice’s written and spoken words are helping her and others heal. It’s rare that as artists and creatives we see the impact of our work on other people. But Alice has had audience members approach her after her show and tell her exactly what her work means to them. And that is so deeply validating.
One review said:
It’s the kind of show that reminds you of what comedy is for — not just to make us laugh, but to make us feel less alone.
All hail Alice for using her pain to educate, enlighten, illuminate and heal.
Useful links
You can find Alice’s work on Medium and on Substack.
As mentioned in the conversation, here is the short clip from her show, Inconceivable. The show premiered at Solofest 2025 and won the Best Newcomer Award. Encore performance is on August 23rd, 2025.
Alice has a story in a book all about healing from comedy. The book is called Pain to Punchlines: Stand-up Comedy a Transformation Superpower, you can find it here.
We spoke about her written piece comparing tears and laughter. You can read this here.
And for kicks and giggles, here is a link to the piece she mentions that she wrote for Another Fucking Pub.
I hope you enjoy watching this discussion as much as we enjoyed having it.
Don’t miss our next Substack LIVE.
Thursday, 28th August, at 18:00 (GMT+1) with Colleen Addison
Discussing her article What Is It Like, Being Childless?
Join this discussion via the LIVE link here.
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