If you are enjoying the fortnightly discussions with our writers, please consider becoming a paid subscriber or buy me a coffee. Alternatively, liking, sharing and commenting are great ways to show your appreciation.
Of all the stories and articles I have read about not having children, Colleen’s piece that we discuss during this Substack LIVE writer spotlight is one of my all-time favourites.
Why? Because it is so deeply poignant and self-reflective. It is open and honest without being accusatory or defensive.
It’s raw. It’s real and it gives me goosebumps.
If you haven’t already read it, I highly recommend giving it a read first and then coming back to hear Colleen and me talk about how it came about.
“What Is It Like, Being Childless?”
Life Without Children is entirely reader-supported, and while the Substack will always be fully accessible to all, if you read it regularly and benefit from the content, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Or, you can show appreciation for the content and
During our discussion, I admitted to Colleen my defensiveness in reading how her therapist asked her what it was like to be childless. Colleen gave a bit more context, which simmered my emotions and allowed me to recognise that actually, this question was needed. And if this question hadn’t been asked, this beautiful piece of writing wouldn’t exist.
All too often, women without children are viewed by society as being incomplete, immature, or still in a place of waiting. Which, as you and I know, is a load of BS. It felt nourishing to hear Colleen talk about liking herself and offer tips on how women who feel incomplete can start to view themselves as whole.
We talk about all the ways Colleen puts boundaries up to protect herself. She is adept at boundaries, and I think we can all learn from her.
I found a deep resonance in the way she writes about the learning she has done about the politics and hardship of motherhood. She talks about extending sympathy and support to mothers around her, and the hurt that this is never returned to her.
Perhaps this is an area in which women without children feel most aggrieved. That their life experiences are dismissed, belittled, reduced, or simply not recognised by some mothers in their lives. As if we are being engaged in a silent game of the suffering Olympics.
Luckily, not all friendships with people with kids go down that road. Colleen speaks of some deep friendships which blossomed through each of them being vulnerable and open.
Honestly, what a joy this discussion was, and I for one can’t wait to read the next piece Colleen is working on, which is about the intersection between sexuality and pronatalism.
Useful links
You can find Colleen Addison’s writing on Medium and on Substack.
I mentioned the Substack LIVE discussion between myself and
, you can find that here.I also mentioned the stunning piece by Y that leans into sexuality and pronatalism. It’s titled: Did Conforming to Heterosexual Norms Destroy My Chance to Become a Mother? And you can read it here.
During the discussion I mentioned my piece where I write “Who might you be as a mother, but who might you not be.” You can read that piece here.
How to Write About Not Having Children
I have quite a lot on in September, so I will be taking a short break from the Substack LIVE writer spotlights. They will be back in October.
In the meantime, please join me at Medium Day 25 where I am presenting a short session titled: “How To Write About Not Having Children.”
When: 19th September, 7pm BST, which is 2pm EST and 8pm CET
(Check your time zone here)
Where: Online
How: Register via this link
For more information, see the September writing prompt linked below.
Life Without Children September Writing Prompt
Subscribe to Life Without Children to ensure you don’t miss our monthly writing prompts.
If you know anyone else who may benefit from Life Without Children, please tell them about us.
You can find us in other online spaces.
How to Write with Us | Instagram | Substack | Medium | Threads
