Well, this really hit home for me. In the early 1980s my first husband and I tried to get pregnant and I will never forget the day the doctor told me I was infertile.
I came home and told my husband and literally collapsed on the floor.
My marriage then fell apart due to many factors, was one of them being my infertility? I’ll never really know.
Your article is so spot on. People with children just don’t understand what it’s like to have that choice taken away from you by your own body.
This really resonated...I ended up doing IVF in three different countries (China, Singapore, and US) and found big differences in how much space I was given to feel emotions (grief, frustration, cautious optimism) at every step. This isn't invisalign, people! Let us feel things.
I am so moved by your piece. I wish I could go back in time and before doing IVF for 3 years, I wish someone had told me to take time to grieve. Instead, I used the IVF as a way to avoid grieving. Like burying myself in a “project”. I just became another consumer in the IVF crowd. After all of that, my partner revealed they didn’t want to be a parent after all. That opened the door to a whole new feeling of loss. I like how your piece recognizes the isolation we face. The isolation we place ourselves in (as a self protecting mechanism) and the isolation that others put us in (inadvertently). Thank you for seeing me with your article.
Thank you for sharing this and articulating the deep grief and emotional roller coaster of infertility. As someone who experienced secondary infertility and spent 5 years of infertility treatments before making the devastating but necessary decision to not do yet another round of IVF, it was so hard to not feel like a failure or like I just didn’t try hard enough. There seems to be this prevailing narrative like you say that there’s always something else to try and eventually you’ll be successful. But, I was also an emotional wreck and I know my mental health couldn’t take any more. I’m still sad I was never able to give my son a much-longed for sibling, but I know I made the right choice for my sanity. I have so much empathy for anyone navigating this space.
YES exactly this. It's so unfair to have you feel like a failure because of this when it's arguably stronger to know when to stop for the sake of everything else in your life
Your piece brought back so many memories of our own IVF journey. We were able to have one son but despite countless tries, never another. As an only child I so wanted my son to have a sibling. Still, we’re so grateful for what we have. I will pray that your journey ends with joy, but that in the interim you find peace. And yes, you are perfectly within your rights to grieve - it is a loss that not everyone understands.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Grieving is so natural and so private that I think we often don't understand it when it's not our own. I wish you comfort.
My wife and I have been there. It's hard to articulate the deep mourning we felt. But we had each other. It was our loss and grief. We both knew exactly what the other was feeling because we were experiencing childlessness together. We leaned heavily on one another throughout. It's probably one of the few times we've truly shared an emotional burden.
This really resonated...I ended up doing IVF in three different countries (China, Singapore, and US) and found big differences in how much space I was given to feel emotions (grief, frustration, cautious optimism) at every step. This isn't invisalign, people! Let us feel things.
Well, this really hit home for me. In the early 1980s my first husband and I tried to get pregnant and I will never forget the day the doctor told me I was infertile.
I came home and told my husband and literally collapsed on the floor.
My marriage then fell apart due to many factors, was one of them being my infertility? I’ll never really know.
Your article is so spot on. People with children just don’t understand what it’s like to have that choice taken away from you by your own body.
Thank you for the article.
I'm sorry to hear your story, Evie, that's really tough
This really resonated...I ended up doing IVF in three different countries (China, Singapore, and US) and found big differences in how much space I was given to feel emotions (grief, frustration, cautious optimism) at every step. This isn't invisalign, people! Let us feel things.
I am so moved by your piece. I wish I could go back in time and before doing IVF for 3 years, I wish someone had told me to take time to grieve. Instead, I used the IVF as a way to avoid grieving. Like burying myself in a “project”. I just became another consumer in the IVF crowd. After all of that, my partner revealed they didn’t want to be a parent after all. That opened the door to a whole new feeling of loss. I like how your piece recognizes the isolation we face. The isolation we place ourselves in (as a self protecting mechanism) and the isolation that others put us in (inadvertently). Thank you for seeing me with your article.
Oh Mar I'm so sorry to hear about all that. I hope you keep yourself well
Thank you for sharing this and articulating the deep grief and emotional roller coaster of infertility. As someone who experienced secondary infertility and spent 5 years of infertility treatments before making the devastating but necessary decision to not do yet another round of IVF, it was so hard to not feel like a failure or like I just didn’t try hard enough. There seems to be this prevailing narrative like you say that there’s always something else to try and eventually you’ll be successful. But, I was also an emotional wreck and I know my mental health couldn’t take any more. I’m still sad I was never able to give my son a much-longed for sibling, but I know I made the right choice for my sanity. I have so much empathy for anyone navigating this space.
YES exactly this. It's so unfair to have you feel like a failure because of this when it's arguably stronger to know when to stop for the sake of everything else in your life
Your piece brought back so many memories of our own IVF journey. We were able to have one son but despite countless tries, never another. As an only child I so wanted my son to have a sibling. Still, we’re so grateful for what we have. I will pray that your journey ends with joy, but that in the interim you find peace. And yes, you are perfectly within your rights to grieve - it is a loss that not everyone understands.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Grieving is so natural and so private that I think we often don't understand it when it's not our own. I wish you comfort.
What a very moving, thoughtful, and spot on article.
My wife and I have been there. It's hard to articulate the deep mourning we felt. But we had each other. It was our loss and grief. We both knew exactly what the other was feeling because we were experiencing childlessness together. We leaned heavily on one another throughout. It's probably one of the few times we've truly shared an emotional burden.
Leaning on each other is paramount for sure
This really resonated...I ended up doing IVF in three different countries (China, Singapore, and US) and found big differences in how much space I was given to feel emotions (grief, frustration, cautious optimism) at every step. This isn't invisalign, people! Let us feel things.