Is a Woman’s Worth Limited to Only Her Womb?
When will we understand that we don’t have to create a life to be a woman
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Can your life only feel “complete” if you bring another life into this world? Is this the only purpose a woman has on this planet?
If not, then why are we constantly brainwashed into believing it from the moment we are born?
We all have inherited gifts and unique purposes waiting to be fulfilled. Tapping into them won’t just benefit our families — it will spread the fragrance of femininity into the world.
As a woman from a small town in India, I am trying my best to nurture lives through my words, letting the essence of healing and spirituality bloom into this world. I’ve tried saving and lifting so many broken souls — in life and death situations, even — healed them through my presence, and my energy. Tell me, how is that any less of a woman?
And right now, when true femininity is fading, we need you. We need us.
We often hear things like, “That’s how it has always been.” But who made these rules? Who decided that a woman’s value is tied to her womb only?
Human beings. And if humans made these rules, we can make new ones too.
Women are shamed by both men and women
Sadly, this is the reality.
I have a neighbour who doesn’t want kids. When my mother and some other women in the neighbourhood found out, they acted like it was a personal attack on them.
“How can she even think of doing that?”
“That’s so selfish of her!”
Or take social media, where women who decide not to have children are shamed regularly. Just go to any such video, where the woman is expressing her decision to be child-free. You’ll likely come across comments like“You will die alone with your cats.”
What is even worse, those who are unable to have children are labelled with cruel names in our country — “Banjh” (barren) or “Baja” (useless).
Some even have this belief: “You shouldn’t look at the face of a barren woman before an auspicious event.”
It’s always a woman who carries the shame. It’s always a woman who is told, “You will only be a complete woman when you have a child.”
Why should a woman’s life be only about giving birth?
Dr Michal Regev, a registered psychologist, explains in his blog how society has ingrained the idea that a woman’s ultimate fulfilment comes from being a mother.
The lie we’ve been fed since childhood
In fairy tales, the ultimate happy ending for a woman is always marriage and motherhood.
Cinderella. Snow White. Sleeping Beauty.
Their stories end the moment they find a prince and start a family, the only fulfilment a woman can ever have.
Since childhood, conversations in every household have reinforced this idea. During my childhood, I remember adults casually telling me countless times, “One day, you’ll get married, have kids, and live a happy life.” Or how most discussions about the future revolved around marriage and starting a family, or how a guy would choose me.
Most of my girlfriends or sisters have told me the same thing—society has put a veil over their minds. So they used to believe that marriage was the ultimate goal as a teenager.
But how often do we hear, “What do you want to be? What makes you happy?” Rarely.
“What if you regret not having kids later?”
Society exploits this fear to manipulate women into becoming mothers.
But what about mothers who regret having children because they were forced into it? What about the children who suffer because their mothers weren’t ready for them?
A study conducted by SWPS University in Poznań, Poland, found that up to 13% of Polish parents regret having children. And it’s not just regret — they were struggling financially and having mental health challenges like anxiety and depression.
Another academic journal article highlights the cultural pressure on women to have children, whether they truly want to or not.
If motherhood is forced rather than chosen, it will inevitably cause suffering.
My own mother had two children. Did that make her more of a woman? No. Did having me make her regret it? Yes. I’ve heard stories of her crying on the day I was born because… I am a “Female”.
She nonchalantly told me one day, “Yeah. I was disappointed. But the nurse told me you’re the prettiest girl in the ward, and here I am regretting. So I was fine with it.”
Despite acting like I was completely fine with her statement, in reality, it shattered my soul.
If you know anything about my story, you know how my childhood was a garden of thorns — mostly because of her. I don’t blame her, though. The situation was such.
I also recently observed one of my relatives who became a mother because of this narrative, and I could see her light dimming day by day. When I asked her, “How do you feel after becoming a mother?” she casually said, “This has to be done anyway.”
And who do you think suffers the most in these cases? The child.
Society turns a blind eye.
Because of the same society, how many women are guilted into motherhood before they’re ready? How many feel trapped in a role they never chose?
Well, no one came to nurture me when I actually needed a mother figure. I had to become a mother for myself.
Women who choose careers over children are made to feel guilty as if they’re failing at being a woman. But every choice — motherhood or not — comes with both advantages and disadvantages.
Look at Oprah Winfrey. She never had children, but does that make her less of a woman?
She once said
“When people were pressuring me to get married and have children, I knew I was not going to be a person that ever regretted not having them because I feel like I am a mother to the world’s children.”
If we keep following the same pre-written script, how is it our life?
If I’m living exactly how my mother lived, then isn’t it just her life repeating itself through me?
Being a woman is so much more
You taking care of your teammates is you being a woman. You delving into your creativity is you being a woman. You taking care of yourself — physically and mentally — is being a woman. You nurturing your friends when they need you, offering them a comforting hug, is being a woman.
You tending to Mother Nature around you is being a woman. You easing the stress of your partner with a gentle, loving kiss is being a woman.
You embracing yourself, loving every part of who you are, is being a woman.
You are literally the tree of life — offering nourishment, shade, oxygen, and shelter to this world. Then what do you need to prove, my love?
Did you know during the 1980s AIDS pandemic lesbians advocated for gay healthcare, fought against homophobic discrimination and helped HIV patients? That’s why the acronym changed from GLBT to LGBTQ.
This is to say that women are often the silent architects of a thriving community. Sometimes, they don’t even see it — or maybe society never wanted them to.
So, you can be as much of a mother as someone who has five children — without ever giving birth.
Because motherhood is not just about bearing children. It’s about unconditional love, guidance, and support.
We need to stop apologizing for choosing ourselves.
A woman’s purpose is whatever she chooses it to be. Thus, the only life you need to create is one that nourishes your soul.
And when you do that, you will inevitably bring value to the world.
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Thank you for mentioning the children whose mother didn't want (or as you put it "weren't ready") for them.
What about those unwanted children?
I'm one of them and my life has been a hell for over 65 years - abused endlessly by my mother for my existence.
No one validates us unwanted children. Few even believe it because of the myth that all mothers are saints that love, care for and like their children. If I ever dared to tell anyone about my abuse, the response was "Not your mother. She loves you." Yeah, well I've had enough shrinks and lately eye opening to know that is just not the case.
Show up at any of my graduations - no. Humiliating and embarrassing to say the least, with all the families there celebrating and cheering their loved ones. Check with me to see how that biopsy came out - nope. Not provide clothing or food when I was a child even though you are very well off financially - that's her. Why do you think I'm childless? Who would bring a child into an abusive situation or who could brainwashed to think they are horrible, ugly, unloveable people. I could go on endlessly with the evil things she has done to me. But I, nay we abused, are invisible to society.
The most painful thing is to be abused in a way that destroys all areas of your life and to have no one acknowledge what you have been through.... And yes, I know, none of you with loving mothers want to hear about this. And so the abuse will continue for future unwanted unloved children whose lives will be destroyed.
I have so much caring and love, guidance and wisdom, for all of the people in my life. I don’t require kids to be fulfilled. Great article, thank you!