Life Without Children Monthly Review and June Prompt

Often, when we don’t have children, we have a complicated relationship with our bodies. Do you?

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Last month, the focus of our prompt was on regret. Having kids, not having kids. The threat of, fear of, and actual experience of regret are one big mushy, complex mix.

I stumbled upon a Substack account by Chantelle Ivanski, PhD called I Love My Children But…

Chantelle is an expert on parental regret. In conversation with her, I learned something disheartening. I learned that many spaces that are centred around parents who may experience regret do not allow those of us who are childfree. And I understand this. Why? Too often, some of us leave unhelpful comments that take the vulnerable, open, honest, and guilt-ridden expressions of parents experiencing regret and use this regret to vindicate their own choices not to have kids. This serves no one. It’s divisive. It’s a sort of perverse rubber-necking behaviour or even gloating.

When my friends with kids offload about some of their struggles, I listen empathetically. I would never jump to “ahhh well, you chose this” because that is a dick move. Equally, if I want to be able to express some of my difficulties of not having kids, I wouldn’t expect anyone to show less empathy because it’s a life I chose.

We should be able to choose a life (or have it inflicted upon us) and be able to express all the different hues of emotion such a life brings us, without receiving microaggressions or judgment, or worse still others watching on with glee and relief and they aren’t us.

Ultimately, we need to be better at holding space for each other. For validating each other’s feelings without moving to make it about us, comparing, competing or engaging in daft one-upmanship. Do you think we can do that?

Life Without Children creative prompt for June

You can still answer that prompt on regret if you feel called to it.

This month, we are tackling the complex relationship many of us have with our bodies. This goes deeper than body image and simple aesthetics. Many people without children resent their bodies for failing to do what they wanted them to do, or for those of us for whom not having kids is a choice, we may have a fear of our bodies resisting us and putting us in a situation we don’t want to be in.

Ultimately, many of us feel betrayed by our bodies. This can be amplified during perimenopause and menopause.

This topic is inspired by Jill Holly who has a Substack called Spinster-esque. Jill recently answered one of our prompts in a piece titled An Open Letter To My Uterus. It’s a powerful piece — so dig in. In conversation with Jill about this piece of writing, she said this to me:

I honestly had no idea I would have so much to say, which is a testament to exactly what you’re saying and the power of these prompts. So, thank you.

So if you haven’t tackled any of our prompts yet, how about giving it a go?

June prompt: What is your relationship with your body like as a childfree or childless person? Is there a disconnection? A resentment? A sense of betrayal? If you have a negative relationship with your body, do you withhold love and care for it? Do you fear its power? Do you punish it? Has perimenopause, menopause, or post menopause impacted this relationship? Does your body carry guilt? Is it tired of your hostility toward it? Or maybe you’ve reached the stage of forgiveness and can share with us how to go about this, because our bodies deserve love and care. You deserve to live in peace and unity with your body. Your body deserves this, too.

Reflections from May at Life Without Children

It’s lovely to report a fairly busy May here at Life Without Children.

Come and write with us.

Here’s a round-up of some deeply thought-provoking pieces we’ve published at Medium. Make yourself a brew and enjoy.

I Won’t Be Having a Baby Shower, So Please Come to My Book Launch by Maria Cassano.

Should We All Be Antinatalists? by Elanor

I’m A Teacher and I Don’t Want Kids by Shannan Yates-Barrett

Are Women ‘Under-Babied’? Or Are We Under-Supported, Under-Respected and Over-Exhausted? by Ali Hall

Am I Living The Childfree Life My Grandma Wanted? by Ali Hall

I Don’t Feel Guilty For Enjoying the Perks of Not Having Kids by Y.L. Wolfe

Recommendations from outside Life Without Children

It blows my mind how much content there is now about not having kids. Podcasts, newsletters, research papers, articles in mainstream media… this can only be a good thing, as it helps raise awareness of this alternative path.

I hope the general public is finally learning the difference between being childless not by choice and childfree by choice.

Here is a small snippet of what I’ve enjoyed consuming this month.

Bindi Shah answered one of our previous prompts in a beautiful tribute to her late best friend. Grief Is Hard…Really Hard

As ever, Y’s words blew me away. Why This Childless Woman Chooses To Celebrate Mother’s Day… Alone by Y.L. Wolfe

This guest post on Afterglow by Lexi Weber titled “The Unexpected Intimacy of Infertility”, tackles an angle I haven’t seen before. It’s beautiful, wholesome, and full of love.

Given that I myself write about the universal need for a village, and how to have a village, we must be villagers. This Instagram reel by Damram910 on this very topic really chimed with me. And actually, a piece of mine being published on Substack this month covers this issue.

Mona Eltahawy published this superb piece titled Essay: Childfree by Choice in which she so rightly expresses the global need to hear more from non-white and cisgender women on the topic of being childfree.

Sue Fagalde Lick has been writing about not having kids for a long time. She absolutely drives home such power with this piece, “Without Kids Are You Doomed To a Lonely Old Age?” Her conclusion may not surprise you.

And don’t forget to give We Are Childfree podcast a listen, they have a new episode out, Birth Rate Panic! Not Our Problem

What will June bring?

The schedule for June is all set. Subscribe to us for free on Substack to have these pieces drop into your inbox throughout the month.

• What It’s Like To Consider Conceiving a Child With Donor Eggs by Charlie Brown

• Surviving Puppyhood: A Reckoning With Childfree by Choice by Monica Cardenas, PhD

• How Expecting One-Way Support From Women Without Kids To Mothers Is Anti-Village by Ali Hall

Tips for responding to our prompts

Our creative prompts are a great way to generate thoughts and conversations.

Some people keep a private journal dedicated to our writing prompts, while others prefer to publish their responses with us.

I want to encourage you to respond however feels most comfortable to you, whether that’s creating a TikTok video or Instagram reel, writing a blog post on your own platform, or posting on social media.

Heck, if you want to create a video with interpretive dance, write a poem, or paint something in response to this prompt, please do.

I just ask that where feasible, you use the hashtag #LifeWithoutChildren and maybe even tag Life Without Children, or me personally to ensure I see your work and can share it in the next monthly round-up. Feel free to message me a link to your response.

If your response is in writing format and you want to publish it with us at Life Without Children, here are a few tips.

Absolutely no AI, ever! Please read the submission guidelines.

The key thing is to make us feel something.

A powerful story is a human story. Make us laugh and cry. Show us the absurdity of what you’ve had to deal with.

I’m saying it again — make sure your piece fits our submission guidelines.

To guarantee your chance of being published with us, read through our stories to see what sort of things we publish.

Use “writing prompts” and “life without children” as two of your topic tags.

Find out how to become a writer with Life Without Children here.

Anyone who publishes with us does so via Medium. If you don’t use Medium yet, this document will be your friend. That said, I don’t want the obstacle of signing up to Medium to be prohibitive. If you don’t want to write regularly but have a piece in mind, drop me a message, and we can consider by-passing Medium and publishing it straight on to Substack.

Thanks for reading Ali Hall

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