The point about regret spaces excluding childfree people is sharper than it first looks. It's not really about gloating, it's about who's permitted to voice ambivalence at all. A parent's regret is treated as taboo but legitimate, a childfree woman's difficulty gets read as either smugness or secret regret she won't admit. Both are boxed in by the same assumption: that the choice must be defended rather than simply lived. Holding space for each other means letting both states be complicated without either one becoming evidence against the other.
You word this beautifully. I really like the way you talk about how we feel the need to defend instead of simply live. And you are absolutely right, we must let all states me complicated without weaponising it against each other.
Thank you. "Defend instead of simply live" is the whole thing, isn't it. The minute a life has to be justified, it stops being just a life and becomes a position. Holding space means letting people set the defence down.
Thank you so much for including my piece, Ali 💖 These writing prompts are such a wonderful offering, thank you for providing them. And rounding up more things for me to read and learn from an incredible community.
I felt my body let me down by not being able to give birth then having a hysterectomy I felt less of a woman. I feel overweight and that I’m not attractive I was self conscious of my body with going out and being asked if I was pregnant as I was huge. It was depressing and in a way I still feel sad and hard on myself with losing weight.
The regret prompt framing is exactly right: having kids, not having kids — both are regret generators if you're honest about the cost. The interesting thing about regret in the context of children specifically is that it's the one area where the "you don't know what you're giving up" problem is fully visible. You can't try both. You just live with the map of the territory you didn't walk. But I'd push back slightly on the framing: maybe the issue isn't regret versus no regret, it's whether the regret is useful or decorative. There's a version of regret that's just pain you carry to prove you were paying attention. And there's a version that actually reorients you toward what matters now. The difference is whether you're moving through it or living in it.
The point about regret spaces excluding childfree people is sharper than it first looks. It's not really about gloating, it's about who's permitted to voice ambivalence at all. A parent's regret is treated as taboo but legitimate, a childfree woman's difficulty gets read as either smugness or secret regret she won't admit. Both are boxed in by the same assumption: that the choice must be defended rather than simply lived. Holding space for each other means letting both states be complicated without either one becoming evidence against the other.
You word this beautifully. I really like the way you talk about how we feel the need to defend instead of simply live. And you are absolutely right, we must let all states me complicated without weaponising it against each other.
Thank you. "Defend instead of simply live" is the whole thing, isn't it. The minute a life has to be justified, it stops being just a life and becomes a position. Holding space means letting people set the defence down.
Thank you so much for including me, Ali! I love the community you have built here and feel honored to be a part of it.
You are very welcome. I am a big believer in cheerleading others and helping propel words into the laps of those who may benefit from reading them.
Thank you so much for including my piece, Ali 💖 These writing prompts are such a wonderful offering, thank you for providing them. And rounding up more things for me to read and learn from an incredible community.
I love sharing other people's work. I think it's so important for building our community.
I felt my body let me down by not being able to give birth then having a hysterectomy I felt less of a woman. I feel overweight and that I’m not attractive I was self conscious of my body with going out and being asked if I was pregnant as I was huge. It was depressing and in a way I still feel sad and hard on myself with losing weight.
Thanks for sharing this Tavinder. It really is complex isn't it. Hugs
The regret prompt framing is exactly right: having kids, not having kids — both are regret generators if you're honest about the cost. The interesting thing about regret in the context of children specifically is that it's the one area where the "you don't know what you're giving up" problem is fully visible. You can't try both. You just live with the map of the territory you didn't walk. But I'd push back slightly on the framing: maybe the issue isn't regret versus no regret, it's whether the regret is useful or decorative. There's a version of regret that's just pain you carry to prove you were paying attention. And there's a version that actually reorients you toward what matters now. The difference is whether you're moving through it or living in it.